Has God abandoned you? Does it feel like He is a thousand miles away and cannot see or hear you? Is He not responding to your cries? The feeling that God has abandoned you and removed His presence from you is common. Most Christians, at some point in their lives, feel like God is absent and cannot be felt through prayer, meditating in the word, or Scripture reading. When this happens it seems like what the disciples might have felt after the crucifixion of Christ on Calvary. Their reason for living had been killed.

The 11 who had lived with and followed Christ for three years, were now without purpose. He was dead and buried. They feel that if they had spoken up at His arrest and trial, they would have been hanging right there with Him. This would have been true, but He would not let them fight for Him, as He did not let His angels fight for Him. That was not His plan for them. They had to wait. They did not know what the outcome was going to be. They might have remembered that Jesus had told them that He was going to be resurrected on the third day, but what did that mean? They did not have the rest of the story.

They were scared, alone without their leader, afraid of the leaders of their community and everyone around them. Most of the people knew that they had been followers of Jesus for three years. They could have been accused, tried, and crucified just like Jesus. The day after the crucifixion was a Sabbath day and they could not get out of town or do any work to take their minds off of the terrible loss they had just experienced. They were in the gap, God was no longer with them.

They could feel no presence of God, no word from God, no directions from God, nothing. Any prayers that they spoke must have been as if talking into a pillow or a hole with no echo, God could not hear them and God was not going to respond. They had to wait without answers forever. They did not know what was going to happen next.

We know the rest of their story, but we do not know our own. We know what happened on the morning of the first day of the week and more importantly we know what happened 50 days later, Pentecost. We know that Christ was raised from the dead, walked with them, and empowered them to be bold in sharing the Gospel. The good news of God’s redeeming grace! They did not know the rest of the story and it must have been horrible, depressing, and futureless. Just like what we experience now when God chooses to withhold His presence or turn His face away from us.

King Saul knew this feeling and he did not wait, he felt the pressures of this world. He felt that his world was crashing down on his head and he had to fix it. God was in charge. (1 Samuel 13) Gideon was timid and fearful throughout his coming to prominance. God kept reminding him that it would be ok because He was with him. Esther must have felt alone with the weight of her people resting on her shoulders. Mordecia was on the outside of the palace and could not defend her against the king if she displeased him by coming into his presence. (Esther 4:11) David was anointed king over Israel many years before he ever had any authority to act on being a leader in Israel. (1 Samuel 16:13) He had to run, hide in caves, and live in exile while Saul was alive. (1 Samuel 19-27) Jesus himself while He was on the cross had the pain of knowing that God had forsaken Him. This was after having the full measure of the Holy Spirit bestowed on Him. Losing the Holy Spirit after having such a close intimacy with Him must have been crushing.

If you are in a place called the dark night of the soul. If you are in a place where you feel that God has forsaken you, left you alone without guidance, and will not answer any of your prayers, remember His love and go to the Scriptures. (Psalm 77) He has not left you but is only testing you and seeing if your reaction is to trust and have faith. (James 1:2-4) He will never leave you nor forsake you, no matter how much it feels like He has. No one is able to snatch you out of His hand and you have not been left. He knows right where you are and loves you through everything. (Hebrews 13:5, John 10:28, John 3:16)